In the years since I first learned to to cook, I have never owned anything that was over $100 that could make my cooking better. This is part due to not having the money to buy anything nice and part due to stubborn resistance. If I never had a Le Creuset then stews basically tasted as I expected them to, and if I always kneaded dough by hand, I could never know the ease of having a Cuisinart dough hook.
Look, up to a point, there is no problem with dumb people choosing to dunk chemically enhanced potpourri in hot water and call it "tea," so long as those beverage products do not crowd out the availability of actual tea for people who want to drink tea. But this is way past that point. This is not mere bad taste, but a crime against the very ideas of tea and food and human civilization. It is a set of gustatory pretensions related only by the fact of their pretentiousness—"gourmet" salted caramel, "ethnically authentic" mate, "sophisticated" tea—dehydrated and blended together for suckers. It is to "drinking tea" as wringing out a bar towel into a glass is to "having a cocktail," only it is proud of itself for existing. If you desire this product you are sick and dangerous.
As is the case with every annual holiday, Thanksgiving is a perfect day to take the piss out of your family as repayment for all the years they've been burning you. We are asked to be kind and patient with our kin all year long, so take advantage of the events where you're all gathered together to show them who is in charge now. It's you. You're the fucking boss and they can't touch you.
On the list of reasonable Thanksgiving appetizers, a bucket full of donuts would seem to rank right down there with a full pre-meal turkey or a Domino's pizza. Anything heavier that crudités and a plate of cheese and crackers, and your guests will surely end up pushing around their mashed potatoes listlessly, barely nibbling at the turkey you spent hours trussing. The sane thing is to give them a glass of wine and a few mini-quiches.
It's Halloween and you're a proud new parent. Though you're excited to dress up your new little friend, you might have a few questions concerning costume choice. What is appropriate? Can I dress my baby like a murderer? What if it's a murderer from television or a movie, can I dress my baby like a murderer then?
I am, as the French say, a migraineur: a sufferer of migraine headaches. My condition leaves me susceptible to dizzying, tearful, nausea-inducing head pain with the change of the breeze. Did I walk up a flight of stairs too quickly? Migraine. One too many cups of coffee? Migraine. Coworker look at me a certain way? Migraine.