Everything I Bought on Amazon in 2014, Reviewed

Sam Biddle · 12/26/14 10:55AM

Another twelve months of Prime membership just flew right the hell by. What'd I do with it? How did I augment my life with two-day shipping? Can "things" make you "happier"? Nothing a little retrospection can't answer.

What Is The Best Pen?

Dayna Evans · 12/17/14 12:50PM

For better or for worse, Gawker.com is run by humans—humans with needs, and man, we really need some pens.

A Gift Guide for the Frugal Cook

Dayna Evans · 12/09/14 01:15PM

In the years since I first learned to to cook, I have never owned anything that was over $100 that could make my cooking better. This is part due to not having the money to buy anything nice and part due to stubborn resistance. If I never had a Le Creuset then stews basically tasted as I expected them to, and if I always kneaded dough by hand, I could never know the ease of having a Cuisinart dough hook.

No. Stop.

Tom Scocca · 12/09/14 12:06PM

Look, up to a point, there is no problem with dumb people choosing to dunk chemically enhanced potpourri in hot water and call it "tea," so long as those beverage products do not crowd out the availability of actual tea for people who want to drink tea. But this is way past that point. This is not mere bad taste, but a crime against the very ideas of tea and food and human civilization. It is a set of gustatory pretensions related only by the fact of their pretentiousness—"gourmet" salted caramel, "ethnically authentic" mate, "sophisticated" tea—dehydrated and blended together for suckers. It is to "drinking tea" as wringing out a bar towel into a glass is to "having a cocktail," only it is proud of itself for existing. If you desire this product you are sick and dangerous.

The Best Pranks and Elaborate Lies You Can Pull at Thanksgiving Dinner

Dayna Evans · 11/24/14 03:15PM

As is the case with every annual holiday, Thanksgiving is a perfect day to take the piss out of your family as repayment for all the years they've been burning you. We are asked to be kind and patient with our kin all year long, so take advantage of the events where you're all gathered together to show them who is in charge now. It's you. You're the fucking boss and they can't touch you.

Chrissy Teigen Has a Thanksgiving Dinner Manifesto

Jason Parham · 11/24/14 01:55PM

Supermodel, aspiring magician, and self-proclaimed demotivational speaker Chrissy Teigen would like to remind you of one important truth this Thanksgiving: Turkey is trash.

Here Are Seven Home Remedies for Alleviating Brutal Sinus Pressure

Dayna Evans · 11/20/14 02:41PM

It's that November week when everyone gets sick for the first time: Rapidly changing temperatures, dry heat in apartment buildings, the dry cold outside, and germs, germs everywhere. Your sinuses are clogged, your headaches are splitting, your prognosis dire. How will you survive?

Your Most Popular Thanksgiving Appetizer Will Be This Italian Donut

Dayna Evans · 11/18/14 01:46PM

On the list of reasonable Thanksgiving appetizers, a bucket full of donuts would seem to rank right down there with a full pre-meal turkey or a Domino's pizza. Anything heavier that crudités and a plate of cheese and crackers, and your guests will surely end up pushing around their mashed potatoes listlessly, barely nibbling at the turkey you spent hours trussing. The sane thing is to give them a glass of wine and a few mini-quiches.

You Will Not Be Killed By Falling Air Conditioners 

Aleksander Chan · 11/04/14 03:00PM

A few weeks ago, I accidentally pushed the air conditioning unit out of my bedroom window, sending it plunging down from the second story into the alleyway below. No one was harmed. Let me emphasize: It was an accident.

How to Dress Your Baby for Halloween

Kelly Conaboy · 10/31/14 02:40PM

It's Halloween and you're a proud new parent. Though you're excited to dress up your new little friend, you might have a few questions concerning costume choice. What is appropriate? Can I dress my baby like a murderer? What if it's a murderer from television or a movie, can I dress my baby like a murderer then?

Household Tips: Care and Feeding of Your New Pet Migraine

Leah Finnegan · 10/27/14 08:30AM

I am, as the French say, a migraineur: a sufferer of migraine headaches. My condition leaves me susceptible to dizzying, tearful, nausea-inducing head pain with the change of the breeze. Did I walk up a flight of stairs too quickly? Migraine. One too many cups of coffee? Migraine. Coworker look at me a certain way? Migraine.

Seven Better 7-Minute Workouts

Hamilton Nolan · 10/24/14 01:50PM

The New York Timesnot a fitness organization—has released an "update" to its popular "7-minute workout," which was popular because of humanity's inherent laziness. Would you like a 7-minute workout that is actually worth something, rather than nothing? Fine then.

The Correct Coffee Size Is Small

Tom Scocca · 09/23/14 01:44PM

The wise editor/writer/parodist Jim Windolf published an arch and provocative but also entirely accurate tweet this morning: