As people waste our time debating how much to tip baristas (the correct amount: the small pile of coins they give back to you after your transaction is complete) and bartenders ($1 per drink), a second, much more significant beverage problem has once again been overlooked: the frustrating delays caused by people who order complicated drinks and cocktails during peak times at crowded bars.
A few years ago, a college friend described to me his experience on Tinder. The service was already popular by then, but it hadn't yet become synonymous with sleazy come-ons and predatory male speech patterns. This friend—a plucky yuppie with a positive outlook and the face of an old baby—was finishing a graduate degree, and told me Tinder was "a blast." And more than that, a way to meet people! But what am I—what are any of us—supposed to say to these strangers, I asked him, without seeming needy or corny or the other ten thousand ways a straight guy can come across to the rest of his species? He told me he opened, every time, with the exact same line:
Gotta break a few eggs to make an omelet: in the latest volume of the Great Cadbury Creme Egg Controversy of 2015 that has affected every single person living in England and America, imports of the British springtime chocolate have reportedly been banned from entering the U.S. by Hershey Co. Sounds like someone's cryin' over spilled egg creme.
If we do not remember the history of terrible internet flamebait, we are doomed to repeat it. A 33-year-old U.K. mom who posted an Instagram photo of her hot abs with the caption "I have a kid, a six pack, and no excuse" was rewarded with a family-size bag of flamin' hot how dare she comments from other moms who felt judged and apparently forgot that we've been through this exact same thing before.
This week in bollocks: Cadbury Creme Eggs, the delicious confections that are everyone's go-to favorite springtime pre-workout snack, have changed in two unsavory ways for their forthcoming Easter season: the eggs are gonna be pricier this year and the recipe in America is a farce. What in the godfearing fuck is this shite?