Lesser Gawker Media blogs have called the Bud Light Lime® Apple-Ahhh-Rita—an "apple margarita with a twist of Bud Light Lime®"—"bullshit." That is a comically wrong opinion. Apple-Ahhh-Rita is the hottest drink this fall, just ask a teen, jesus.

Apple-Ahhh-Rita tastes nothing like a margarita, nothing like beer or malt liquor, and really, nothing like hard cider. It belongs entirely to its own category of alcoholic beverage: apple juice with just the right amount of chemically-produced bite, delivering a buzz and a sugar high at once. It's a perfect drink for any time of year, but based on official street stats collected by me, it's going to be huge this fall.

Two Saturdays ago, I visited five (5) bodegas in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, without being able to find any Apple-Ahhh-Rita. It was all sold out, the clerk at the first bodega told me. At the next four, I kept my disappointment to myself, staring at the other, inferior Ahh-Rita flavors left in stock.

This stuff is not bullshit. It is a growing phenomenon.

I don't remember the exact day I first tasted an Apple-Ahhh-Rita—around halfway through the summer—but it began a chapter in my life that I'll call "the best." My friends and I were buying drinks to hang out in my backyard. There, in the bodega fridge next to Lime-A-Rita, Straw-Ber-Rita, Mang-O-Rita, and Raz-Ber-Rita, was the 'Rita flavor I will likely serve at my wedding. "I can't taste the alcohol in here it tastes just like apple juice!" I remember saying.

Here are some basic stats about the Apple-Ahhh-Rita that may be useful to you:

  • Size: Apple-Ahhh-Rita is commonly sold in 25 oz cans—that's three standard drinks plus one extra ounce of funnnn. In some locations in New York state, you can purchase a 12-pack of 8 oz cans, which are easier to sneak into the movies.
  • Alcohol content: 8 percent by volume.
  • Cost: negligible.
  • Calories: Zero!!!*

It's delicious, it's portable, it's three dollars. Pour it over ice and rim the glass with extra sugar if you're feeling fancy. (Haha who would do that not me.)

Sometimes I think about the crop of high schoolers experimenting with drinking in the age of Apple-Ahhh-Rita, and I get nostalgic for memories I'll never have. Imagine the homecoming dance... with Apple-Ahhh-Rita. Haunted hay rides ... plus Apple-Ahhh-Rita. I'm crying.

But don't be mistaken: Apple-Ahhh-Rita isn't just for teen girls. I know at least three grown men who have consumed—and loved—Apple-Ahhh-Rita in the last week.

Some people say you should drink hard cider instead of Apple-Ahhh-Rita. Here's what I say: you can drink both. (Slowly, and with a glass of water in between each standard drink.) But why you'd want to drink anything besides Apple-Ahhh-Rita is beyond me. Apple-Ahhh-Rita #1. Ahhh.

*192 cals per 8 0z oooops

[Image by Sam Wooley]