Yesterday, Tom Philpott decided to try his hand at food trolling (we invented that, you amateur) by declaring that almond milk is an inferior milk substitute beloved only by "ignorant hipsters." Sadly, some of our own colleagues have been suckered into agreement. All of you are wrong. Almond milk is good.

Almond milk tastes good and is good for you. It's creamy and delicious. It mixes well in coffee. You can put it on cereal or make oatmeal with it and it doesn't taste weird.

Other fake milks taste weird sometimes but almond milk tastes good.

Almond milk is less than five bucks per half gallon. Even cheaper than regular organic milk. Almond milk is high in calcium and low in calories. Lactose intolerant? Try almond milk. Not lactose intolerant, just looking for a delicious and healthy new drink? Try almond milk. Nothing wrong with almond milk—not a thing.

Allow me to add a personal note to these screeching "haters" who are denigrating almond milk. You hate almond milk? Have you even drunk a lot of almond milk? If you did I bet you would find that it is good—and good for you. It is lower in calories than regular milk, but still tasty, and not weird-tasting. A part of a healthy diet.

These people talking about how almond milk is bad: you say you love regular milk so much? Oh really? Have you ever done the SUPER SQUATS program? On the SUPER SQUATS program you drink two quarts or more of milk per day in order to gain mass and feed protein to your body that has been broken down by the intense SUPER SQUATS 20-rep squat training program. If you love regular milk so much, how come I have never seen you doing the SUPER SQUATS program even once? You can drink a gallon of whole milk per day on the SUPER SQUATS program and still be in great shape. Well? Why aren't you doing SUPER SQUATS then, Mr. Milk? If you love it so much?

You scared?

This fool is talking about how almond milk is not as good as just eating almonds. False comparison. I eat tons of almonds. Love em. And I drink almond milk too. Love it. I can have both. You love regular almonds so much? Do you eat more almonds than me? Not a chance. I eat more almonds than you. And still drink almond milk. Case closed on that particular argument I guess.

Have you ever drunk a lot of regular milk, and then gone outside to run sprints? In the heat? Have you?

Try that and then tell me how much you love that regular milk. Too late, you puked.

If I puked up almond milk it probably wouldn't even taste that bad relative to other kinds of puke.

[Pic via]